A Soul Commitment
Pace quickening, I catch sight of the first sign of my happiness ahead, and the uncertainty weighing me down lifts off of me. Exhaustion disintegrates and anticipation pushes out trepidation. There’s no obligation here. I know what’s about to come up in me, and my heart can’t wait to feel its own pounding energy. Walking in, a wave of positivity immediately greets me as my name, read from the swipe of my card, is used to give me a personal hello imbibing just the right amount of welcome enthusiasm. Hello, my smile responds. I’m ready. Let’s go.
As I pass the first of the polished machinery, being pulled and pressed by the limbs they’ve helped define over time, a surge of surprise hits me and the thought rises – “How could I have ever questioned coming?” Seeing the lines of dedication set firmly into the determined faces of all the people I’m about to join, reminds me. This is my happy place, where I spend one of my happiest hours daily, six days of every week. Surrounded by a tribe whose names I don’t know, but whose commitment I recognize. Our shared commitment, experienced at individual levels, to use our minds to push our bodies beyond where they initially started.
My body holds the knowledge of a lifetime of sporadic attempts at this commitment that came before now. All heartfelt, even though none come close in comparison to the ease of this fit. The earliest one started me off with half-hour increments of the weakest aerobics; a bonding exercise with my closest friend across our teenage years. Then there was the one that sent my body in a direction that didn’t fit my mind, late in my 20s. That time was filled with heavy lifting, intended to impress the boy with the bulging muscles. After leaning out what had gotten too big for me, I felt the short success of three months of two workouts sandwiching each day, prepping me to be seen by the gorgeous guy I’d been dating from a distance. Halved, those workouts continued, almost daily, when I moved my day-to-day life over to London. Bouncing between two new gyms, paired with one of two new friends, we each did our own routines next to one another, in quiet competition. Then came the three years of trying to make it to the gym for as few hours a week as my overworked mind could manage, to burn off what had been pressed into it during the countless hours stressing in an office.
The release I experienced, from the sweat that rose, was real, even though it never lasted long and my efforts could never sustain the results I desired. My body was working its parts hard, but the reasons driving it lived outside of me. Not knowing how to build the best version of me for no one other than myself, those attempts at creating happiness repeatedly failed me, and my body fluctuated along with my commitment. Finally learning how to connect to the happiness existing inside of me, my body followed suit and changed forever.
Two years in and my own efforts are honored, but I’m grateful for the silent support from the community of self-improvement-minded individuals who surround me during our moments of overlapping dedication. Across the one hour, three times a week, first spent raising my heart’s beat by moving my limbs front to back and high to low on repeat. Then spent settling myself down to crunch up tight and extend out long to uncover my core’s definition. The energy inside of me feeds off everyone around me while pumping mine back out for them to pull in. Support sent in the form of positive energy flowing between everyone. Knowing that when one is staring intently, while facing themselves in one of the mirrored panes that reach out between the corners, that there's only some ego to it. Ultimately, this aid that’s been provided helps drive the minds controlling our body’s movements and keeps us pushing ourselves beyond physical exhaustion.
Then, there are the other hours my mind, body, and spirit spends between these walls that are filled with the constant creation of energy. Three days a week spent with a different set within this community. Crossing the threshold, I leave behind those who move heavy weights, and those who move quickly, to join the group who stretches out to build their strength up slowly. Entering a darkened studio, I pick up a mat and lay it down to claim the space I’ll use to go inward while improving my balance and using my own power to lift myself higher than I’ve ever been before.
This time activates a completely different, but equally stimulating side of me. Tightly packed in with faces I never see outside of the pane in front of me, but who at the core I recognize as loyal yogis dedicated to releasing and renewing their own energy. Hearing the beat pounding in the studio below, it reminds me of the heart I’m about to open by stretching up, down and forward, before twisting to each side. Then every sound, other than my own breath, disappears as I focus inward and exhale out all the stress that accumulated outside of here. Inhaling the new energy being co-created, I place an intention to be deeply committed. Committed to reaching a deeper awareness of myself across this hour. Committed to contributing to the energy contained in this space for the many hours ahead of me. Committed to driving myself up, to each new height my soul strives for, across the rest of my life.
