A Story of Head-Nodding RESPECT

A guy I dated 10-yrs back came back into my life. Now, the two of us are very different. Always have been. This man wholeheartedly does not believe in what I believe in. Never did. Even before I came to believe what I believe today. Told me repeatedly, beyond my actual beliefs, that he doesn't believe in going deep. Said to me multiple times, even 10-years back, how he had no desire to 'go there.' But he 'supported' my work over the years. Liked nearly everything I posted on IG no matter what it was related to. And he once told me he respected how much I had drastically changed my life.

When I went back to NYC in the Spring of '21, he started pursuing – a friendship – with me. I say friendship, but I can’t say for certain what he was pursuing. He never gave me the respect of actually asking me to hang out, but it felt like there was something else happening, and I’ve come to trust what I feel. On the surface though, he just said how much he’d love to see me while I was already out and about, which was said again and again. So I played along and let it play out because I felt there was something about this connection I had to go deeper into.

So we were together one afternoon, the third time I was already out, and he kept making comments that pricked. Didn't fully trigger, but I clocked them because they felt off. First about artists. Then about people healing and evolving themselves. He spoke as if he was an expert on both counts. Yet the things he said didn't align one bit with what I'd gone deep into – both for myself and while guiding others. What I'd lived. Instead, he was placing stereotypical boxes around everyone. All while dismissing what I said.

I observed and responded while trying to figure out what this was telling me about myself.

Then he inadvertently doubled down and clearly showed what this experience was trying to tell me.

We went to his apartment so he could grab a coat. While there, I saw his long-term ex's painting on the wall. I loved it, so I said it. 

His response? "Yeah, she went to RISDI (an elite art school) so she's a real artist. Not like all these people out there who claim to be artists.”

Now, I definitely did not go to art school. And I definitely, publicly state that I'm an artist. So that jarred me. Didn't trigger me. Didn't make me angry. Didn't rile me up. I just thought, "WOAH, really? Are you actually saying that to me?" 

So I said to him, "You do realize that I’m…."

Then I stopped myself. I was walking to the bathroom, he was walking away from it, and I just ended the sentence with..."...whatever, forget about it." 

I knew there was no point. That he just wouldn't get it. No matter what I said. While in the bathroom, I thought it over. Asked myself, "Am I actually upset? Do I really care if this man doesn't think I'm an artist? Do I want to make a point of this?" The answer was no, on all counts.

But he didn't want to let it go. 

When I came out, he said straight away, "I know you're an artist." He didn't stop there. He turned around the blame that I wasn’t inflicting, but he didn't want to feel, and pinned it on me. Got angry with me for assuming what he thought. Kept saying that I was offended by what I had assumed, and how dare I assign what he didn't mean to his words. Then he threw in, “If it upset you then it's your own insecurities.”

That's when I actually got upset. I told him, “Stop telling me how I felt.” Then added, ”I've already gone deep into my own insecurities around this and that is not what I’m feeling.”

Clearly, the night didn't end well. 

After, I went deep into it. To understand what this was showing me. Why did this experience happen? Was I still insecure about being an artist? No. This wasn't about that. Then, I saw it. Clearly. It was all about RESPECT.

That's why his comment bothered me. There was no respect in it for me. He knew I didn't go to art school, so I was clearly in the 'claiming' category. And I knew he had meant what he said, he had just slipped up when he said it to me, and he knew it, which is why he turned it around on me. To try to absolve himself. 

But if that's what he believed all along on a deeper level, then his likes? Came with superficial respect.

Regardless, because everyone has a right to their beliefs, the act of saying it to me, someone who is a self-made artist, was disrespectful. It held no consideration for me or whether or not it might hurt my feelings. And that's what actually annoyed me. 

Let's go deeper. Because it ties into what had been happening earlier in the afternoon. He didn't actually respect me as an Intuitive Guide either. This was the third time we'd met up, and we'd had long discussions during the first two about what I’d done to help people go deeper, to heal. He’d nodded along to everything I'd said.

Yet now he'd implied I wasn't going deeper into myself. And earlier, had told me he knew how people tick, and there'd been no room in that convo for what I had to say. To him, my expertise – my intuitive abilities – meant nothing compared to what he thought. 

So what do you do with that? With someone who doesn't really respect you. Who thinks they do but really doesn’t?

You go deeper. To see what the experience is trying to show you about YOURSELF.

That’s when I saw I had to go into an even deeper level/energy of respect for myself and my abilities. Where I still had some hiccups that had to be cleared out. I took the time to do that. 

After, I knew, the people I knew who felt that in me and had hiccuped in their respect of my abilities? Some would, with time, shift with me, into a deeper respect for them. Some wouldn't. I also knew that it wouldn't be as hard to be around people who didn’t believe in me. Any dismissal of my abilities by them? Their inability to respect what I do? That doesn’t hurt once you truly, deeply respect it yourself.

I didn't stop there. I went deeper. To see how to embody an even deeper and more 'honor-full' energy of respect. 

I started to see where I wasn't giving others true respect. Not a superficial respect like this man was giving me, which is what I was giving them. 

I'll give you an example. I have a friend who's a Buddhist. Is deep into it. Has studied it extensively for over a decade, works in the field, teaches, the whole nine. She brought me to some classes early on in my journey, and it just really didn't resonate. But we love each other and had grown closer and closer despite not being aligned on that. Always getting into really deep discussions about our experiences, always in relation to our beliefs. When she brought up Buddhist teachings, I would smile and nod, while completely dismissing what she was saying...in my head...not out loud. 

It never occurred to me while I was doing that, that I wasn't respecting her. Because I WAS 'listening'. But I was doing it with no intention of considering what she was saying. That's not true respect. And I saw. Clearly. I was putting out (with her) exactly what I was receiving (from him). Superficial, head-nodding respect. Hiding what I really thought. Thinking that was being respectful. 

A higher energy of respect – for myself & others – wasn't rooted deeply enough within me.

Now, I am absolutely positive I'll never be a Buddhist. Just doesn't resonate with me. It doesn’t have to. But I do want to give this woman, whom I cherish, the respect she deserves. I don't have to. I choose to. Go into a deeper level of respect for and with her. So when we spoke next, and I caught myself dismissing what she was saying? I stopped. Instead, I truly listened. With respect. 

Let's add another aspect to this. The mirror effect.

On that same call, I told my friend about a major past life I'd uncovered with this man. One that I hadn't known was connected to him until this experience. And until I saw it, I couldn't clear the deeper energy that was keeping us connected. 

My friend smiled and nodded. But I could sense she didn't really take what I was saying all that seriously.

So really, we were giving each other the same level, the same lack of respect. 

Which closes the circle. More on that in a second.

First, here's a truth about respect. 

You don't have to respect everyone. And everyone isn't going to respect you. You get to decide. To choose. In both circumstances. 

Do I respect this person? If not, do I want to keep them in my life?

And, alternatively…

Does this person respect me? If not, do I want to keep investing my time & energy into them?

Different 'persons' or, could be the same one. 

Take that man for example. I don't actually respect him. Or rather, I respected him and his beliefs to the same degree that he respected me and mine. A degree that really didn’t carry enough true, deep respect. I realized that after. And I really didn't want to keep investing my time and energy into it, so I didn't. Out of respect for myself, I let the connection go.

With my friend the Buddhist, we'll stay friends and time will tell how far our differing beliefs can take us.

I say that because something she said, as we spoke about respect, bears repeating. The Pope and The Dali Lama don't hold the same beliefs but they respect each other.

But I wondered after, is it more true to say that they can only respect each other so much, so deep? Until they hit the point where their beliefs differ too much to go deeper together?

I don't know. But it's something to ponder in regards to who you bring into your own life.

To help with that, to see the level of respect in you, in your relationships, and across your life, I've created a module in The CORE reBUILD Program that contains all of the tools you need, including The CIRCLE of RESPECT, to guide you through the relationships and levels of respect in your own life. To see where the same lack, or rather a superficial level of respect, is impacting you. To go deeper within, to find its origin. To heal for and emobdy a higher-vibe energy of RESPECT, to then attract the same back.

With, In & For LOVE…